UN Sanctions Against Me

Wow, a lot of people really want to see me in drag. Listen, I'm a moderately attractive man, but holy crap I'd make an ugly, ugly woman. Me with pigtails? There would be anarchy in the streets. The UN would hold a special meeting for sanctions against me. They've been out to get me for years anyway.
All that being said, I can be bought for the right price. I'm not proud.
I am however losing. Mirinda got an Ana costume this week. I'm so depressed about it. They each sang they're different songs from that travesty of a cartoon. They also continue to watch the nipple show, as I now affectionately call it. The other day the things were opening up other dolls they received as presents that are only slightly smaller then them. It's like Mini Me from Austin Powers. This has to be stopped, and I need to be the one to stop it.
I've been making them watch more classic cartoons, and that is helping. Priya really likes them. Mirinda doesn't have a long enough attention span. We've been watching a lot of Halloween cartoons. It always brings joy to my heart. I freaking love Halloween. The Halloween decorations are up. We've got Pete the skeleton in the ground along with his headstone. It's an actual headstone. We owned a house a few years ago and it had a really old deck. One day as I was tearing up the deck to do something else in that spot, and there was a grave stone underneath the deck. Just a name, no death or birth date or anything. My first thought was, "Holy crap, I've got a body buried in my backyard." Thoughts of Funny Farm came into my head. I wasn't sure what to do. Finally one night I had a forensic investigator, two homicide detectives, and like 5 other cops in my backyard all staring at this gravestone not sure what to do. One of them told me if this was a dead body laying here they'd know exactly what to do, but they had no idea what to do in this case. Finally one of the investigators did some checking and called the previous owner of the home. He worked with leather (I'm assuming like leatherface) and needed a stone to work on, so he went to a place that made gravestones and bought one they had screwed up on. Over time he used it as a step for the deck, and finally it just was under the deck. Pete Peterson has been dead since 1998 and is buried in the South Jordan cemetery, not in my backyard. So I got a free headstone out of the deal, and Pete makes an appearance every Halloween.
His buddy is in a chair next to him, and his name is Coco, cause the girls were really into Coco when I got the skeleton. There's a spider next to him they named Cuckoo. So yeah, we're ready for Halloween.
I've been really amazed at how far Mirinda has come in kindergarten. She is now writing her name really well, and is really excelling. I love to see it. We always knew that she would be developmentally behind, which is why she was in early intervention programs. I love seeing how excited she gets at learning new concepts and doing new things. Yesterday she did the monkey bars mostly by herself, and she was so proud. It made me extremely happy. These girls really got a raw deal in the first part of their lives, and now they are making up for it.
Listen to my podcast and rate it. Please. I'll stop if I get one review. Promise.
If you've had more than one thing that is pumpkin spice this week, you need to examine your life. I like pumpkin spice, but come on. Relax. There are other flavors in the world.
As always thanks for listening! If you think you know my price for dressing like Ana, let me know and I'll make it happen.

Now Superman has let himself go

I lost. She has an Elsa costume. She's absolutely adorable in it, but it was hard to open it up and give it to her. I tried my best to persuade her to be something awesome. It was not to be. She does love to wear the costume. The other day I came home from work and she really wanted to wear it. I put it on her and she immediately through her hands in the air like she was the Emperor in Return of the Jedi. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was trying to freeze me. I asked her why, and she said it's because I was Ana. So I may be that for Halloween. Just to embarrass her. I think I'd make a pretty hot Ana.
Mirinda is Wonder Woman. She's got a sparkly shield and the whole bit. She's very excited about it. So am I. So am I. I might be Superman for Halloween, but again a Superman who let himself go. I'd be the star of a TV show. Superman: The Later Years. I think that's what it's down to for my Halloween costume. Batman who let himself go, Superman who let himself go, or Ana. Maybe we'll take a vote.
The girls have really gotten into YouTube lately, and it's time it stopped. I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's the Mos Eisley Cantina. A wretched hive of scum and villainy. They started watching this show where people take Barbie's and act out entire scenes of everyday life. It's a slice of life. They're mesmerized. They could sit and watch it for hours. They've taken Barbie's that are kids but are also Disney princesses and given them different names. Like child Elsa is Elsia. Child Ariel is Areola. Areola. As in nipple. That's what they named a character. You'd think someone would have said "Hey, you're marketing this sideshow attraction to kids, maybe don't name your characters after a nipple." Just saying.
So I decided it was time to instruct them in the classics. I've decided to start with Silly Symphonies. The skeleton dance was first up, and the girls really liked it. I'm not going to inundate them with it, but show them one at least every day. Try to ween them off nipple and the gang. No pun intended.
I hate trying to play outside when it starts to get cold though. So far I'm doing OK with not having it be warm, but we'll see how long that lasts. Everyone is happier when it's warm. People on the street are smiling and enjoying life. When it's cold everyone is angry and homicidal. That's my belief anyway. The farmers almanac said we'll have a cool winter with normal precipitation. If winter was really cool it would snow in the mountains and be 80 in the valley. What happened to your winter? You used to be cool.
As always, thanks for reading. Let me know what costume I should be for Halloween. Or how much you'd pay me to be Ana. Also, we have a new podcast episode up about R&R BBQ, so please go check it out and leave us a review. 

Batman has really let himself go

I do love the state fair. It's over this weekend so if you haven't gone yet, you need to go. You'll feel better about your own life. It's the food I love the most. We got a ridiculously huge hot dog covered with mac and cheese. It was not good. The girls ate the whole thing though, so I'm good with that. Got some poutine as well. Did you know they sell poutine at the Costco in Canada? That's a good reason to go there. There was a lady behind me in line that could not figure out what was on the menu. Like for 5 minutes she could not figure out if they had burgers or fries or what they had. Finally I turned around and made a suggestion that she should get the poutine and explained what it is. She was still confused and asked if they just had fries. I said they did, but why get fries when you can get super fries. She was not amused. I got my poutine and enjoyed it while smirking.
I did get a lobster roll that I was worried would kill me. Ridiculously overpriced but oh so tasty. The girls rode a bunch of dangerous rides and we went home.
Mirinda turned 6 this week. I can't believe what that little weirdo has done to my life. That kid makes me so happy. We're coming up on 4 years since taking custody of her, which is crazy to me. We went for Indian for her birthday, so she and Priya were very happy. They love India rice, as they call it. After dinner we went to Hires with my mom and step dad, so the girls got to ride in their car. That night in her prayers Priya said thank you for letting me ride in Gigi's car, because I really liked it. It was adorable.
I do think I'm losing Halloween this year. For the last month Priya has been saying she wanted to be Batgirl, and Mirinda wanted to be Wonder Woman. In my mind I was doing the dance of joy from Perfect Strangers cause I'm really happy about the costume choices. Last night we went to a Halloween store, and Priya was very firm about not wanting to be Batgirl. She wants to be Elsa. I've tried to talk her out of it. I absolutely despise that show. So so so much. It is my most hated Disney show. Even more than the live remake of Aladdin. I told Priya I really hated the show, and she put her hands on her hips and yelled, "You don't have to watch it!" That's a fair point, but still. I told her to think about it for one more day. For a little while Mirinda said she wanted to be Ana, but now she's back to wanting to be Wonder Woman. So I'll be paying for her college education.
I'm so excited for Halloween though. This has been the first year I haven't been completely depressed Summer is over. I am sad about it, but I'm also excited for the girls to be excited about the fall. It's really interesting how your priorities change with kids. They can't wait, so I can't wait. I may dress up as batman this year. Really it will be a Batman who's let himself go, but still Batman. Maybe not a fighting Batman, but more of a snarky, funny Batman who will make a pie for you.
It's time do decorate for Halloween. I've decided that. And time for a viewing of Young Frankenstein.
As a sneak peak for next weeks podcast, we'll be reviewing R&R BBQ. A lot of people have asked us to review it, so we will be. I'll give you a tip: the ribs are meh.
As always, thanks for reading! Godspeed.

Way to plant, Ann

I didn't write last week because I took the day off to have a four day weekend with my girls. Priya is always bugging me that I go to work every day and tell her to invent something really useful so we're independently wealthy and I can stay home every day. She's still working on it. I won't forget any of you when I'm rich.
The weekend was fantastic. Friday was spent taking Mirinda to kindergarten which was a strange feeling. She was nervous to go in and I wanted to take her to the movies, but we both made it and she had a great day at school. That night took the girls to see the live action Aladdin, and holy crap that thing is a horrible piece of garbage. Remember everything that Robin Williams did that was so brilliant and funny? Well Will Smith is going to do a quarter of that and make it not as funny. Remember how Jafar was scary? Well now he's a dead behind the eyes guy that you wish would go away cause he's annoying. Remember how the Sultan was this really good comedic relief and this really nice father figure. Now he's a wooden man that can barely move his mouth. Remember the movie Hitch? You could pretty much call this the sequel to Hitch with the way Will Smith plays it. I was not happy. I haven't been happy with most of the live action remakes though. I thought Cinderella was good. That's about it. I'm worried for Star Wars.
On Saturday we went on an adventure to Park City. I just wanted to explore. The girls loved it. Their favorite part was going to the Olympic Park and watching the skiers do jumps off the ramps into the pool. If they didn't do a flip, the girls were very upset. If they did a flip, they were cheered and clapped. It was adorable.
On Monday we went to Lagoon. It was very hot, but the girls loved it as usual. Went to the Biergarten for lunch again. By the way, we did an episode of that on the podcast. Go give it a listen. Then rate us and review us. Please. I'm begging.
Yesterday we went to the State Fair. It's sad how far down hill the fair has gone. No one goes anymore. Next week will be more busy. If you haven't gone in a while, pick a day, go to Smith's for discount tickets, and go. Seriously it is a lot of fun. Get some really horribly unhealthy food, walk around, buy something you don't need. Just enjoy it. If more people went they'd probably put more money into it. This year they have fried fat boy ice cream sandwiches. I had jalapeno lemonade last night and it was delicious. We're going back again on Monday. To eat more bad food.
Here's a pro garden tip. If you want to plant cucumbers, cantaloupe and honeydew, those are all excellent things to plant. Whatever you do though, don't plant them all right next to each other. I have so many melons right now, and all of them taste like cucumbers. The plants intertwined with each other somehow, and now I've got cucumber melons. The problem is they don't taste good. Otherwise I'd sell the patent and Priya wouldn't have to work so hard to support her father. If anyone has always wanted a melon that tastes like a cucumber it's your lucky day.
As always thanks for reading! Go check out our podcast please. We'd love some feedback, good or bad.