The Dark Face of Evil

The Christmas lights are up and I couldn't be more excited. The girls ask most days when Christmas is. Mirinda has been terrified of Santa Clause over the last few years. This year she says she will sit on Santa's lap. I hope she will. This is the first year the two of them are really understanding what Christmas is all about, and they are very particular about what they want. A microphone and a smart watch. I'm not sure why that combination.
I'm smoking a turkey for the first time on Sunday. I've been doing research to determine the type of brine I'm going to do and the wood chips I'm going to use and I've discovered something. A lot of the people on the internet telling you how to cook things are idiots and you shouldn't listen to them. One recipe called for smoking the turkey for 11 hours. Listen, turkey is not like beef. Turkey will become a barren wasteland of flavor if you were to cook it for that long. A lot of people called a brine a marinade as well. They are not the same thing, and they work very differently with meat. I've determined the brine and I'm going to butterfly the turkey. It will probably be delicious. And 4 hours should just about do it.
But that's really the whole thing about Thanksgiving. It was designed as a holiday to help us not lose our national identity as cooks. It's about sharpening our skills to put a wonderful meal together to be grateful for the talents we have. We should expect more out of our food.
That being said, there is a powerful force of evil out there and I've seen it. I never want to go there again. I went to the Dunford Baker factory. It was a lovely sunny day when I went, but when I drove in suddenly things got dark and my heart went cold. I had to buy 10 dozen cookies for a client event at last notice. It was towards the end of the day and they didn't have a whole lot left, which was extremely depressing. I thought people actually came and bought this crap. As I put together the 10 dozen cookies the employee working there was eyeballing me like I was doing something wrong. Finally she told me that I could order large quantities if I submitted the order 48 hours in advance. It took all my willpower to stop myself from telling her that I never plan to set foot in this place again and I was hoping to leave with my life and my soul intact. I bought the cookies and left.
Listen, I get that a lot of people love Dunford. Seriously you should expect more out of your bakery. I recognize there's not a lot of bakeries on that end of the valley, but don't settle for mediocrity in your baked goods. Demand more. There are a tremendous amount of really good bakeries out there that don't make you feel like you need to take a shower when you get home. That's all I'm saying. I realize it's cheap, but cheap isn't always good. That's my rant for the day.
I hope everyone has a good Thanksgiving. If you are going to buy a meal already cooked, at least make one dish by yourself. Try something you've never made before. You'll be surprised. Or you'll hate it. Either way you'll have a good story.

So Much Shame

Sorry I missed two weeks. I was doing stuff. Celebrated my 40th birthday. Not as hard as I thought it was going to be. We had a great time. The night before my mom rented out the VIP theater at Jordan Commons and holy crap it was awesome. They have 46 seats inside, and you can watch any movie you want. I picked Napoleon Dynamite and people had a blast. They had popcorn, candy and drinks. It was a very fun party. I'd highly recommend it. On my birthday we went to Lagoon for the last time this year. It's always sad when Lagoon closes. I have to figure out what to do with my leisure time now. It will open again in March. The countdown has started.

The girls enjoyed Halloween. Priya was very pleased with herself as Elsa, and that poor wig looked worse and worse throughout the day. She didn't make it very long trick or treating. The dress was too long for her and she had a hard time keeping up with the kids, so I carried her from house to house. It made me a little sad honestly. She tries so hard and doesn't give up. After about a half hour she was done and went home, but Mirinda stayed out with her friends and ran from house to house.

Last week we went to Moab for the Scottish festival there. It's called Scots on the Rocks, and it was actually a pretty good festival. We explored Arches and did things in town. All those girls wanted to do was swim. Every 10 minutes they asked when we were going swimming. I spent $30 on freaking rocks at the rock shop, and they asked when we're going swimming. I told them we weren't going on trips anymore. We'll just stay home and go swimming. There is one indoor pool in Moab, and it's not even really indoor. It's indoor/outdoor so the water was freezing. Luckily the hot tub wasn't too hot. It was a fun trip and the girls enjoyed it.

I'm ashamed to admit this. Last night I bought the girls Ana and Elsa dolls. They were at Costco. The dolls came in one package. I felt sick to my stomach as I did it, but I did it. They are so happy with them. I'm also putting up my Christmas lights this week. These were two things that I would never do, but those kids are just too freaking cute. I came home and did some bare knuckle push-ups so I could feel like a man again. Well I did an up, and felt like that was enough. I've got a forest of chest hair that reminds me I'm a man anyway.

The podcast hasn't ended, we're just taking a break while Jim Bob travels the world. We'll get back to it. We appreciate all of you who listen.

As always, thanks for reading. Find things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, there's a lot of them out there. I for one am going to be thankful for the smoked turkey I'm going to be doing. That turkey will not have given his life in vain. He will be delicious.